I’m round, I spin and billions of you people are crapping on me in more ways than I can begin to discuss!

Age: 4 1/2 billion years old or so ….who’s counting?

D.O.B. April 22nd 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 oh forget it.

Eyes: Blue like the rest of me for the most part!

Weight: Are you kidding? You want me to go on a diet? Fine. If I could I would! Let me tell you! And the first places I would loose – would be all you PEOPLE who are frickin’ FRACKING into me all day and night like you’re giving me a lobodomy and electric shock treatment at the same time! You’re killing me over here! Are you kidding? By the time you guys get done with me I’m gonna be swiss cheese and then I’m going to cave in on you like a chocolate soufflé gone to the shitter. Goodbye all of us.

And speaking of shitters – let’s talk about the people who created this mess in the first place. Look if I could I’d loose the entire Republican Party like a case of bad fleas, but you know when you find a Republican with a soul I say we gotta make an exception. I’d keep that guy from New Jersey around for a little while longer~If he can get a handle on the mob’s waste control that is! What’s his name? The guy who’s about as big as a weather balloon? Chris Christie! I think he was actually Santa Claus in his last life if you can believe it. And that’s enough about my weight or his!

Education: Well, what the hell do I know, right? I never went to college or school or anything. Another excuse the United Nations gives for completely ignoring me! That and the fact that I use Jill Gatsby as my dummy.

Degrees: I’m getting very, very hot if you know what I mean, people! Very hot!


To finally speak out and have my own BLOG! And why shouldn’t I? Now, stay with me here people because as your mutha I got a lot of catching up to do. And Jill Gatsby, she’s my personal dummy … and she’s got a learning curve that makes the country of Chile look flat. She’s a hard worker writing and editing and uploading and downloading and altering and clipping and adding and snipping and finding content and creating content and then she has to go to the bathroom and that can take up half the day! Anyway!

I’m working on bringing a News Feed to you people that’s News actually worth READING! What do ya know? And I’ll be looking for great stories for you kids too! Let’s make you better so you last longer on me and have a great time doing it! Alright. If you need to know more about me, stick around. And don’t ask the moon. He’s a moody little bastard who changes his mind more than he changes shape. http://www.earthspeaksout.com


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